just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
