if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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