I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
wow bdsm is so cute
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
