Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
