tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
