She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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