I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
