I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
