ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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