Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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