im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
