our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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