Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
