Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
