first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
