Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
