God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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