Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
