Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
