And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
