She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
