You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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