New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
