Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
operation have a gay friend backfired
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
