so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
