hotel room ftw
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
