No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
