remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
