and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
that is very illegal...i love you.
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