win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
