best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
