Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
