you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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