Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
