your parents love me but you hate me
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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