I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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