I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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