I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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