I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
