You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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