Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
