OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
