im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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