apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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