There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
