Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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