only if we run a train.
done.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
