Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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