Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
