i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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