Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
