If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
