I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
