i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
