I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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