Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
